From The Eyes of An Observer

Experts said that someone who acts way out of his/her norm indicates that the individual has gone through a life changing experience. But it does not mean that someone has to encounter a traumatic experience to act out of norm. It could be that someone has been through a significant change of life. Just like me. 

What out of norm behaviour that I have exhibited? I’ve become more wackier and crazier than my usual self. Some of my friends who know me well enough would noticed the different and they were kind of surprised. The way I communicated or joke with them was way too different. They would say that ‘This is not the David I know.’ or ‘David, what happened to you? Why are you so crazy?’. Of course, when they mentioned it, I was caught by surprise as well. I never noticed that I would have change to become someone who is utterly insane. I thought that I was happy that day and want to spread some smile over my friend’s faces.

But then, I just realised that this behaviour of mine was masking some dark feeling within me. The feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being faraway from friends that I’m comfortable with and friends whom I’m comfortable hanging out with. Thinking of people is torturing me to bits and pieces. Some would call it as lovesick.

This somehow reminds me of my past when I continued to stay in KL when I was 16 while my parents moved to Kelantan. From that particular moment, I’ve become more friendlier and outgoing, which was a good thing that came out of it. For this particular moment, I have no idea what good will it come out.

Yes. I can make friends with people here. But the important factor is whether I would be able to click with colleagues cum friends here. In a foreign land which is full of strangers and unfamiliar language, it is hard for me currently. It’s not about the environment, it’s about my heart who feels the sadness of leaving friends to a new place. The way to solve this would be to cut my heart away. But what good is it for me to become a man like me who has no emotion? For now and forever, I will keep my heart. For this agonizing feeling that I’m experiencing is a love for my friends.